by Rev. Snowman

What does a crazy film buff watch in a typical week? I have been asked this question in various forms many, many times.  Most of my friends and folks I meet who discover that I routinely watch 400-500 or more movies a year, every year, are rather taken aback. They look at me with googly eyes and exclaim how they can just manage to watch one movie a week, some say they might see one movie a month. Sacrilege, I say!!!! The truly devoted movie fan watches large numbers of films, but maybe not as many as me.  I’m sure there are plenty of folks who watch more out there, but there is a special group of people on this planet who devote themselves to watching this many movies, and most of us are not film critics for a living.  Although, if you are looking to hire a film critic, I’m available.

My secret to massive movie consumption is this: I don’t watch anything else but movies! You see, it really is a simple formula.  Add up all the hours you spend watching crappy TV or playing video games or scrapbooking, or whatever silly pursuit you engage in.  I betcha you can count up quite a few hours a week, right? Well, replace them with movie watching and, voila, you have it. Heck, even two movies a week adds up to 104 magical movies a year, and that’s light weight viewing.  Plus, it is so darn easy to watch interesting movies nowadays.  No longer am I at the mercy of my poopy video store or whatever the silly little cineplex is playing. With online movie rentals, downloads and free library sources it is not hard to find things to watch. I’m a Netflix guy, myself, and my queue is never below 500 films for more than a few days.

I used to keep track of what I was watching but lost track after awhile. Here in this blog, I figure I should start this up again. So, here is a list of films I have watched since Saturday of this week and a score for each. Mind you, it is now only Tuesday. I haven’t been home much this week, so this list is a little light.  The scoring is on a five point (fists!) scale.  Some of these films are a bit dirty and some are just plain dumb, so please, look them up on IMDB or some other site before you watch them.  I’m an equal opportunity offender, but consider yourself warned. Watch at your own discretion.

1. California Split (1974). Dir. Robert Altman. 2.5 Drunken Fists

2. Blackboard Jungle (1955). Dir. Richard Brooks. 3.5 Avenging Fists

3. A Face in the Crowd (1957). Dir. Elia Kazan. 4.5 Furious Fists

4. Cheeky (2000). Dir. Tinto Brass. 1 Very Blind Fist

5. Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay (1971). Dir. Bruno Gantillon. 2 Drunken Fists

6. Marquis de Sade’s Justine (1969). Dir. Jess Franco. 4 Furious Fists

And tomorrow I will be watching John Ford’s The Searchers for the Cinema Death Fist podcast.  Plus, I have three movies on the way via mail and I’m certain I will watch several this weekend when I go to visit my pal in Pittsburgh.  And remember, this is a light week!

You may look at this list and say, who ever heard of those films? Or, why on Earth would you watch something called Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay? Or note that a film by the celebrated auteur film director Robert Altman got 2.5 fists, while a film by obscure and eccentric cult director Jess Franco got 4 fists.  What gives? Where are the new releases? What’s wrong with your taste? Don’t you watch anything new or good or popular?

I only have one defense for my taste in films. I am on a grand quest to watch the most interesting and entertaining films I can see in my life, and that means watching everything, and I do mean everything. I could go from watching The House Bunny to watching Citizen Kane to watching Brokeback Mountain and top off the night with The Brain That Wouldn’t Die.  And I did like all of those movies in one way or another, although none of them can accurately be compared to each other, nor should they in my mind.  I think each film should stand and be judged on its own merits and cross comparison should be limited.  I’m all for a good discussion about the best western or best horror film, but to say I like Halloween better than 81/2 is silly, to me.  Apples and oranges, man.  Apples and oranges.

So far, my favorites for the week were A Face in the Crowd, with an incredible and shocking performance by Andy Griffith (Kazan may have named names but he makes a great film) and the underrated Justine by Jess Franco. Franco, is hit and miss, but when he is on he can make some very, very interesting movies.  This one looks spectacular, has very quirky performances by the likes of Jack Palance, Mercedes McCambridge AND Klaus Kinski, a good score and just enough naughtiness to make it nice!

There definitely was a theme this week, which is often the case for my film watching, but I put these movies in my queue and then forget about them, so the theme is always a surprise. This week’s main theme, exploitation cinema of the somewhat sexy kind. Cheeky went too far, though. There is a difference between somewhat sexy and filth. Cheeky is filth. Filth has its place in life, but I’d skip this stinker. I suspect there may be more films in this theme on the way. Actually, I just checked my queue and it looks like I have two more exploitation films (a second one by Jess Franco in the same week, oh my!) and then I take a verge into thrillers and steamy thriller, a subgenre. There’s also a horror wave to come, goody, goody gumdrops!!  I’ll be sure to give you all the gooey, gory details in film blogs to come.

Until then, keep on watching. Your comments are appreciated.